Are you sorry? Do you want to apologise?
I am sorry
I am truly sorry
‘Bhul Chuk Maaf’
I used to wonder why Indians said this to each other and I scoffed at the vagueness of such an apology, but….I now understand that a genuine heartfelt apology even if it isn’t specific can still be needed to open up the space and build strong relationships with others and with yourself
I am sorry
I am truly sorry
To those whose
cries for help I haven’t heeded,
whose generosity I haven’t repaid,
whose calls I haven’t returned,
whose invitations I haven’t honoured,
whose hospitality I haven’t reciprocated,
whose gifts I haven’t returned,
whose nuances I haven’t accepted,
whose messages I haven’t replied,
whose kindness I haven’t acknowledged,
whose hearts I may have broken,
whose tears I haven’t wiped,
whose concern I haven’t acted on,
whose kindness I didn’t appreciate,
whose souls I haven’t considered,
whose circumstances I haven’t considered,
whose values I haven’t respected,
whose good intentions, I didn’t express gratitude for,
who I have made feel excluded,
who I have treated with disregard,
whose sadness I haven’t empathized,
whose help, through introductions or suggestions I have dismissed flippantly and unknowingly,
Please forgive me
I am sorry. From where I see I am, I am doing the best I can. I continue to focus on the things I can do, and I know that there is so much I should be doing or could have done, but again I say, I am sorry, I apologise from the deepest part of me. I am sorry.
What can I do to make it right?
I continue to live in the hope that by doing my best, I will be able to make all right but for now, I am sorry. I won’t try to trivialize or minimize my negligence, my ingratitude or my lack of reciprocation. I won’t seek refuge from the fact that perhaps the stars have not yet aligned for me to right all the wrongs, I am truly sorry that I have disappointed you and hurt you.
I won’t blame circumstances or astrology or luck or karma or anything else, to alleviate me of my shame, all I can do is to tell you that I am truly sorry and also thank you for everything that you have been to me and done for me. I can only pray that I will be where you were, able to right all my wrongs, pay all my dues and settle all my accounts before I leave this particular life that we share, but for now, I am doing the best I can, the best I know and hope that you will receive all your blessings from another soul if I leave this earth without repaying it myself. I am thankful and I am sorry.
If you have felt any of this, if any of the lines above felt like they reflect exactly how you feel, or if anyone has sent you an apology like this, then please share this sincere apology.