Experiencing hot and cold in your relationship? Is it really still a relationship? Be honest with yourself. You are feeling uncomfortable in your stomach, you are just not feeling like the confident, independent woman you used to be, your instincts are telling you loud and clear, but you don’t want to listen.
Why? You invested time, emotion and hope into this. How can you just give up, maybe he needs time? Psychologically it is normal to delay and postpone the undesirable inevitable.
People treat you exactly the way you expect to be treated. If you give him permission to drop in and out of your life at his whims, guess what he will do? I was once with a bunch of guy friends, listening in like one of the boys as they were praising a particular famous beauty in the country, who never opened the car door for herself, and they said, that guys did it for her because she stood there, expecting them to. They were in awe of her, because of the respect she commanded. If you “over-perform”, you leave little room for the guy to perform at all.
I love men, please don’t read me wrong, however when a man treats you in a way that is demeaning, you have to remember your Goddess responsibilities which include holding up the respect of women kind, just like Wonder Woman did!
When a man treats you disrespectfully and they come back, make sure you make it challenging for them to redeem themselves. Don’t drop your plans just to accommodate him. Never cancel on your girlfriends or family just to see him and never agree to see him on the same day that he contacts you. When a man walks out of your life, have the sensibility to know that he knew exactly what he was doing, and maybe he didn’t care enough or maybe he thinks you will easily let him back into your beautiful world.
If you are nearly as old as me, you could conjure up a vision of the magical Amazonian island that Wonder Woman and the other beautiful powerful sisters lounged around scantily clad in bliss. Hang with your girlfriends and always look your best. Remember that you are woman, the fairer sex and men spend far more minutes in a day finding ways to get into our world. It is a privilege.
If you want to accept his explanations and apologies, be his friend, don’t allow it to go beyond friendship unless he works really hard for it. He needs to sense and know that you KNOW that you deserve to be treated like a princess or a Goddess even. Just like you would with a dog or a child you want to train, you can’t be rewarding them for doing something wrong, you will confuse them. Many women I have spoken to end up becoming even more “giving”, “caring”, generous and kind to the one who treated them badly. This is absolutely the wrong time to lay on your motherly, loving need to nurture. Find a child or dog to do that with, or a best friend.
When a man just blows you off, either he’s married/involved with someone else, genuinely liked you and enjoyed the thrill or romance of dating someone new and realized that he can’t go on being deceptive OR he is just confused and has no idea what he wants. Who knows, he may have been temporarily infatuated, perhaps someone slipped him some Amortentia – (The most powerful love potion from Harry Potter; creates an infatuation or obsession – not love) Often guys like to hold out for something better. Somewhat like not accepting an invitation for a Saturday night too soon, in case something more interesting pops up. Do you want to be that girl, the “oh no one better showed up, so I will settle for her for a while?”
Unless he was himself in ICU and could not get to a phone, there is simply no reason for him to drop out of your life without an explanation. Many of my inquiries say, “but maybe he lost all his contacts”, or he has work issues, or his family are visiting. These are excuses, haven’t you been a with someone who would find the two minutes it would take to send you a text message to say what was going on, because he respects your feelings and your time?
For as long as you stay in this dissatisfying and demoralizing situation, a man who will love and cherish you will not be able to even find you. Avoidance of relationships in an attempt to avoid pain is not the answer either. The pain is there anyway. Three failed relationships in as many years are more likely to force you into awakening than three years on a desert island or shut away in your room. Eckhart Tolle
When you have one man taking up too much “rent-free” space in your mind, it is time to take an extra active role again in yourself. Think of other things to do and opportunities to meet more people, men and women. These are symptoms of infatuation.
Infatuation: One dictionary defines the word as “completely carried away by unreasoning passion or attraction.” This does not mean that it is all bad. In fact it can be extremely enjoyable and as long as you treat it as what it is, a brief interlude of romance and passion and you don’t let it turn into an obsession, is great. Distinguishing between the real thing and infatuation can be challenging especially in the early stages. Only giving it time and allowing it the opportunity to grow while you both get to know each other really, will you be able to uncover the authenticity of your feelings.
In the early stages as unromantic as this will sound, these heart-racing feelings are nothing but a chemical reaction similar to having taken a “love-potion”. It is like a cocktail of Dopamine – the “pleasure chemical,” which invoke the feeling of bliss, Norepinephrine – which is similar to adrenaline and causes your heart to race together with the amount of serotonin and dopamine released in the body explained by Helen Fisher, an anthropologist from Rutgers University.
Your life is what matters. You have to be independently happy in order to attract a worthy man into your life. Focus on your body, your mind, learn and learn more about who you are and learn ways to express yourself. Try not to allow the rush of chemicals rule your life and determine your moods which then affect your actions. How much more time are you going to waste? Through your work, your hobbies, talents and your passions and when you are most independent and happy and you least expect it, you will attract a wonderful man into your life and you will know it when this happens, it will feel easy not hard, it will flow, not need so much work and analysis, so keep your golden lasso handy.
Remember that although it may seem that we are living in a modern world, wherever you are in the world, men, instinctively still want to pursue a woman, and they appreciate what they have to work hard for, just like back in the caveman era, only hopefully now they won’t just knock you on your head with a club and drag you into their tents! 🙂
