Using Seduction In Our Daily Lives – by Professional Life http://maltibhojwani.com/blog/wp-admin/revision.php?revision=294Coach Malti B trained in Ontological Coaching and Somatic Work
Desire like seduction are words that have a very sexual connotation but I invite you to consider that without a desire for what you want which is a natural human tendency, just as natural as the tree grows towards the sun’s rays, our lives will lack direction. And without seduction to elicit the desire in others to give us what we want, natural evolution cannot go on.
I facilitate in corporate workshops incorporating the use of our bodies as a medium often left out of conversations around leadership and many of these workshops are designed to support the participants in embodying leadership qualities of which persuasion and influence is a mandatory skillset. Seduction is persuasion and influence! Seduction is a powerful human instinct to bring about desired responses from others and this art or skill has been severely repressed in many of us especially when living in cultures like India.
I only noticed the presence of this veil in my own way of being recently in a conversation with my mum when I was complaining that men invariably try to flirt with me, some overtly and come covertly, to which mum’s response was that it was normal and she was confused at my “discomfort”, suggesting that I accept it as natural, adding that I could smile about it, not respond if I didn’t want to but accept it without being ruffled or angry. She reminded me that flirting was not something new and that everyone does to some degree, even a toddler when she wants to get her daddy to give her what she wants.
As it happens, a couple of days back I confronted this blockage again after watching the TED Talk by Chen Lizra, “The Power of Seduction in Everyday Lives”. To which I argued internally blaming the culture I now live in for why I hadn’t been comfortable expressing my feminine energies and how much I had pushed it down. I realised that in the last few years, I had changed the way I dressed, I curb my smile around men and I have been toning down my walk and hiding my sense of humour for the fear of appearing like I am flirting.
But I questioned, how much longer am I going to hide and suppress my natural self-expression, be it in a smile, the way I move my body or use my voice?
How much longer will it take before we stop allowing our perception of how people will react to affect how we lead our lives or carry ourselves? When will we stop being afraid of the unwanted attention that we may attract and allow this discomfort to hold us back from fully expressing ourselves the way we were designed to?
I had moved to Sydney, Australia at a young impressionable age of 16 from Singapore and the first thing that barraged my senses was how body confident the women were, no matter what their weight or size, they were comfortable in their skins and bodies. In India however even in corporate workshops, I notice how uncomfortable women are to stand up tall, push their shoulders back and assume the body position of leadership, (which is stable and open), because of growing up being self-conscious about their breasts!
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These restrictive ideas become a part of us through the habit of embodying the self-consciousness and fear of judgment or attention. Not becoming aware of these limiting practices is only depriving ourselves of being able to be present in our bodies, emotions and language. When we are not present, we can’t have authentic conversations about even our non-sexual desires, which are our goals and intentions be them in business, our professional lives or in our personal connections.
In Robert Greene’s book, The Art of Seduction, he lists 24 Rules of Seduction which include:
– Creating a need that you can fill.
– Keeping some suspense
– Paying attention to details
I want to caution you that seduction is the most powerful energy on earth, it is primordial and with great power comes great responsibility. Seema Anand refers to ancient Hindu mythology and the sacred texts on seduction like the Kama Sutra in her TED Talk – The Art of Seduction.
Keeping in mind how powerful seduction is, I invite you to remember and instill this acronym HAIL, in your communications by Julian Treasure.
Honesty – be clear and straight
Authenticity – be yourself
Integrity – be your word – do what you say – so people can trust you
Love – not romantic love, but simply wishing people well
Julian’s short TED Talk, explains clearly how voice can be mastered so people listen when you speak, in other words, to seduce.
So how do we use seduction in our lives? To summarise from Chen Lizra’s TED Talk, she lists 4 elements that must be present:
- Desire – Without having a desire, you won’t know what to go after. Seduction is the ability to awaken that desire in others. Seduction is to keep possibilities alive, just like it is referred to in the sexual context.
- Confidence – this can be learnt and needs to be embodied. Read my latest book, The Mind Spa to learn how to practice confidence and while you get there, you can fake it. Watch Amy Cuddy’s TED Talk “Your body language shapes who you are”
- Body Language – Using your body to tell others what you want.
- Arousal – By giving others your total undivided attention, you can arouse the desire in them to give you what you want.
I am not talking about sleeping your way to the top or the proverbial sitting on a professor’s lap to get good marks, but rather allowing ourselves to own our female energy and express ourselves without the fear of being judged, rejected or objectified.