1. Create the habit of sitting with yourself twice a day by practice
2. Switch off phone twice a day
3. Give yourself the opportunity to just BE you and BE WITH you
4. In that time your mind will do what it needs to do
5. It is releasing tension knots in your psyche just like getting a massage to release stress-knots on your body
6. While it releases these knots, the emotion is released
7. The emotional release seeks a reason or a story to relate it to
8. These are the random thoughts you have when you meditate.
9. The release frees up your mind so that you can be more creative and effective the rest of the day.
10. There is no bad meditation, all meditation is good.
11. Listening to music/chanting/affirmations is NOT the same as meditating.
12. There is no effort in meditating.
13. In fact TM describes meditation as effortless.
14. The minute you focus you are doing the opposite of meditating, you are concentrating.
15. Trust that it is freeing up space in your RAM and in your Hard Drive to allow more creative learning and expression.
16. Challenge – practice is religiously for 30 days and watch your life change!
17. Stop seeking advice from people, allow the answers to come up in signs around you.
18. You can look at them as random meaningless coincidences or as meaningful synchronicity.
19. Trust your gut an your intuition
20. Meditate Meditate Meditate!!!
Ideally, you should to find a unique way or learn from a teacher. Find a local TM teacher in your city or if you are in Indonesia, my brother Sanjay is an awesome teacher.
As an introduction, find a quiet space to sit in, turn off your phone, or put it on silent and set your alarm for 20 minutes, so you don’t keep opening your eyes to check time. Time can go slowly when you sit with yourself. 🙂
Make sure you are not too full but not hungry either.
Sit anyway you feel comfortable, I like to have my feet sometimes firmly planted on the ground and sometimes, crossed or stretched out straight in front of me,
Sit with your neck and spine straight.
Gently close your eyes
If you don’t have a mantra, then just think of a flame or as a space in between your eyebrows. You can also imagine that you are looking slightly above the horizon with your eyes closed.
Don’t focus or concentrate, just sit and allow whatever comes up to come up. You may drift into sleep and that is ok, you may find yourself having very conscious thoughts and making plans or you may drift, do not control anything, and do not berate yourself about anything, all is good!
Just relax, and sit.
Open your eyes after 20 minutes, resist the urge to check your clock in between. If there are noises, so be it, you can meditate on a crowded bus just as easily as you can on the mountaintop; as long as you are comfortable.
Ensure comfort, a blanket if you think you may get cold.
When the 20 minutes are up, sit still for another 2 – 3 minutes before you get up and on with your day. This is called installation. No sudden movements and no looking at your phone, just allow yourself to relax without the mantra (name).
Get on with your day and repeat in the evening. Not just before you sleep as it is said you may be more effective and creative post meditation. Think of it as nourishment for your mind.
PLUG IN for ANSWERS
Don’t ask for advice, practice meditating instead and open up yourself to the signs, the GPS system of the universe. Plug into source, like how you would stick a sim-card in your cell phone, to get signal. Or connect your computer to the internet or wifi! All the answers you seek, all the direction you require is within you, just like how Google has the answer to almost any questions, trust that you do too or you will be guided from within to find your answers.
This is why I don’t believe in asking for advice from friends or loved ones. Yes ask experts for specific advice, a nutritionist what to eat for a particular diet, a stock analyst on understanding the current market, a doctor on a particular condition, but to ask your friends and family for advice on what direction you should take, where you should go or what you should do is futile.
I prefer to connect with ME and wait for my intuition to answer my questions rather than seeking advice from people who are from different walks of life, in different circumstances, with different priorities and resources, who have no clue what I’m capable of or of what’s most important to me.
ENJOY and please share your experience in the comments. Include your email address if you would like to use my unique Habit Forming Table to help you instil the habit of meditating twice a day and enjoy the blessings that FLOW!
Oprah, Seinfeld, Ellen, Hillary and so so many awesomely positive, hardworking, committed and creative people.
Malti Bhojwani, 43, is a personal development (self help) author, professional coach trained and experienced in NLP and Ontological coaching, a speaker and workshop facilitator. Having been in the personal development industry for over 14 years, she brings her years of experience to scores of individuals, teams in corporations and entrepreneurs all over the world.
She is a Singaporean mum, lived in Jakarta, Indonesia and spent most of her adult life in Sydney, Australia and currently resides between Pune and Mumbai in India. She has been well received and loved for bringing humanity back into the corporate world and for restoring dignity and self esteem to countless individuals.
Her forte is teaching people how to change the lens through which they see in order to create new and lasting changes in their lives through body, emotion and language cohesion. She says she coaches from her wounds as she had challenges with obesity and low self esteem herself growing up and is now the slimmest and fittest she has ever been. Malti has worked hard to build her brand and continues to coach and mentor other practitioners and aspiring speakers and writers to do the same.
Her clients include individuals and teams from Microsoft (Thailand), Mahindra & Mahindra, The British Council & members of YPO and EO, BMC Software, WIPRO, spoken to ADP, The Rotarians and addressed countless book clubs and business groups internationally. She has coached and mentored individuals from SAS, Genpact and Kelloggs and facilitated a mentoring program for PepsiCo. She is a regular contributor and expert consultant for the Times of India and countless other international and Indian publications including the Egyptian magazine Fibers and now a world-renowned author. She’s been interviewed LIVE on CNBC India and on Australian TV several times.
- Professional Certified Coach (PCC) with the ICF (International Coach Federation) – over 1000 hours of logged-coaching and intense training.
- Ambassador and Coaching Group Leader for the ICA (International Coach Academy)
- Graduated from Newfield Network in Ontological Coaching
- Registered Global Coach of the Human Systems UK, which is an elite community of Professional coaches from over 70 countries and Invivo Play systems Sweden
- NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) Practitioner (Christopher Howard Institute)
- Worked as a Senior buyer for an Australian Online Department Store.
- Qualified Gemologist.
- Top Ranking Life Coach in India out of over 13,000 registered (source LinkedIn) 2nd Top Ranking Life Coach Internationally out of over 380,000 registered (Linkedin)
- Written the Foreword for other Life Coach’s books
- Almost 12,000 Facebook Likes, 13,000 Twitter Followers, 100,000 YouTube views with over 100 short videos on Life Coaching.
Her book “Don’t Think of a Blue Ball” has received international accolades, including endoresements by Les Hewitt (Power of Focus), Ivan Misner (BNI), Bob Urichuck and many others, it has since been translated into Bahasa Indonesia & “Thankfulness, Appreciation & Gratitude” has gone into reprints. She has 4 more books for 2014 and 2015 release including Brain Spa and Brain Spa Journal.
Read some of her published articles in the Times of India here:
We can’t not do stuff, we can’t just stop it, (though I JUST LOVE Bob Newhart’s video – Stop It – link below if you haven’t already watched it)
We need to replace things. Think of your time and your mind as a space that needs to be filled 100%, like even a half empty-half full glass is not really empty, it is half filled with water and half filled with air. So, when you want to stop doing or thinking something, you need to make it easier for yourself by consciously and decisively replacing the thought or habit with something else. Because it takes time to replace habits, especially neurological ones, it makes sense to carefully select a truly empowering habit to replace the old ones with.
In your relationships especially as a parent, the same trick works wonders but you need to add an extra step which is adding the reason, instead of telling your child not to scream, request him or her to speak sweetly so you can understand them better. Instead of asking your friend not to be late, request them to be early so that you can be on time. Getting it?
In fact someone recently made fun of me because he felt I was using Negative language and called myself a professional coach trained in Ontological Coaching and in NLP, and yet my previous book is titled “Don’t Think of a Blue Ball”, well, I guess he didn’t “get it”.
Easy stuff, just practice and please share your examples.
Don’t Talk *** Sit Quietly for a 5 minutes
Don’t Smoke *** Let’s be really healthy and avoid all forms of carcinogenics for a week
Don’t eat fattening food *** I’m eating fresh & light food this month
Don’t irritate me *** Please talk facing me without gum in your mouth
Don’t be late *** Please be there at 1:55, so we can start on time
I don’t want to think about him/her *** I am focusing on my talents and work
I won’t get drunk *** I will sleep sober to wake up without a headache tomorrow.
I don’t want to be so moody and depressed *** I will practice smiling and thinking of fun stuff
Don’t make a mess *** Please keep the place neat and tidy
I don’t want to fail *** I will succeed
I’m not good enough, fit enough, rich enough *** I am good enough
I’m fat *** I am becoming healthier and more fit each day
I won’t spend so much *** I will practice mindful sharing of my resources
Don’t Think of a Blue Ball *** Think of a Red Balloon
These are just a few examples of how you can successfully replace disempowering habits in your life and habits in your self – talk.
Please share your examples.
Hoarding is for mice, not men!
Share your knowledge, experience and resources to open up the flood gates of abundance.
How often have you noticed yourself holding back your knowledge because you haven’t been paid to share it? Or what about if you are in the information industry, (of any sort) and when you are teaching something, but you hold back thinking you want to save some for yourself. You hesitate from sharing it all because you feel you will empower others too much and then you will no longer be the expert? Are you guilty of guarding your recipes with your life, because if you told your friends how you made that amazing salad dressing or the decadent chocolate cake, they will make it themselves and yours won’t be special anymore.
Well, all you are doing is keeping your own abundance valve closed. You see, when you hoard, you are living with the belief that you will run out, and that the supply will end. You think that all you know is yours and if you share it there will be no new information and knowledge that will come to you. Similarly when you don’t want to teach or share with others how you do what you do, for example a recipe, you are also affirming that your talents end with that one recipe. I have learnt that the more I share, the more I end up learning and my own reservoir fills up, it is almost like it can’t take in more unless I share what I already have.
A financial planner or hard-core business consultant would surely disagree with me and slap me on my wrist, but the immense joy I feel when I share and others get to enjoy and even modify what I shared confirms to me that this is the way to be. Nothing we have is truly originally ours, we are inspired by ideas and people around us, we learnt them through our personal filters and we add what we learn to what we know and then we create new, but is anything really ours? No…it is all Universal knowledge, Universal information, we are merely channels for it to pass through and the more you let out, the more will fill you up.
“Filling up and spilling over, it’s an endless waterfall” (Cris Williamson – Waterfall)
PS: My favourite salad dressing recipe:
Take an empty glass jar (size of a Pesto Jar), fill it with a heaped teaspoon of Classic Pesto, Add about an inch high of Balsamic Vinegar and 1/2 an inch of Olive Oil, add salt and cracked pepper and shake the bottle vigorously. Pour on your salad.
My favourite indulgent salad dressing recipe:
Same as above, but add half a mashed avocado to the mix
I am sorry
I am truly sorry
‘Bhul Chuk Maaf’
I used to wonder why Indians said this to each other and I scoffed at the vagueness of such an apology, but….I now understand that a genuine heartfelt apology even if it isn’t specific can still be needed to open up the space and build strong relationships with others and with yourself
I am sorry
I am truly sorry
To those whose
cries for help I haven’t heeded,
whose generosity I haven’t repaid,
whose calls I haven’t returned,
whose invitations I haven’t honoured,
whose hospitality I haven’t reciprocated,
whose gifts I haven’t returned,
whose nuances I haven’t accepted,
whose messages I haven’t replied,
whose kindness I haven’t acknowledged,
whose hearts I may have broken,
whose tears I haven’t wiped,
whose concern I haven’t acted on,
whose kindness I didn’t appreciate,
whose souls I haven’t considered,
whose circumstances I haven’t considered,
whose values I haven’t respected,
whose good intentions, I didn’t express gratitude for,
who I have made feel excluded,
who I have treated with disregard,
whose sadness I haven’t empathized,
whose help, through introductions or suggestions I have dismissed flippantly and unknowingly,
Please forgive me
I am sorry. From where I see I am, I am doing the best I can. I continue to focus on the things I can do, and I know that there is so much I should be doing or could have done, but again I say, I am sorry, I apologise from the deepest part of me. I am sorry.
What can I do to make it right?
I continue to live in the hope that by doing my best, I will be able to make all right but for now, I am sorry. I won’t try to trivialize or minimize my negligence, my ingratitude or my lack of reciprocation. I won’t seek refuge from the fact that perhaps the stars have not yet aligned for me to right all the wrongs, I am truly sorry that I have disappointed you and hurt you.
I won’t blame circumstances or astrology or luck or karma or anything else, to alleviate me of my shame, all I can do is to tell you that I am truly sorry and also thank you for everything that you have been to me and done for me. I can only pray that I will be where you were, able to right all my wrongs, pay all my dues and settle all my accounts before I leave this particular life that we share, but for now, I am doing the best I can, the best I know and hope that you will receive all your blessings from another soul if I leave this earth without repaying it myself. I am thankful and I am sorry.
If you have felt any of this, if any of the lines above felt like they reflect exactly how you feel, or if anyone has sent you an apology like this, then please share this sincere apology.
A week ago, a dear friend, Simran Melwani came to visit me and she slept in my bed with me. As girlfriends do, we chatted till the wee hours after enjoying a bottle of wine together. The image that has stuck in my head ever since was that of her wide and truly happy smile first thing in the morning. She woke up and when I turned to look at her, she was smiling ear to ear.
It struck me that probably due to being woken up by a shrill alarm or my mum telling me I was going to be late for school, I had developed a habit that I wasn’t even aware of till that morning of waking up with a very scrunched up expression of stress and drudgery. Sure with all my own learning and my own personal development, later in the morning, I would start to smile and think of happy thoughts, but the distinction I learnt from her was to wake up and smile. Smile a big, happy, joyful and excited smile. A smile that would set the tone for the day and that acknowledged all the things to be grateful for.
So being a lover of fine sheets, I have consciously been waking up and smiling a wide happy smile and feeling my soft pillows and sheets in absolute gratitude for a good nights’ sleep before jumping out of bed, in fact I have also been practicing getting out of bed with grace and ease, what is the rush anyway? Even if thoughts of all that you want to do are knocking on you to start planning and organising your day, whether it is work, exercise, the meals and all the calls you need to make, allow yourself in fact insist that the first order of the day is to smile a huge smile.
As we know habits can take time to instil and until they do become real habits, we need to truly be conscious and mindful and remind ourselves to practice. I have been diligently practicing the sleepy smiling to myself every morning and I promise you it has been a magical shift in my way of being and the wonderful gifts I receive every day.
Due to time difference around the world, I don’t know what time it is for you right now, but if you truly want to experience joy in your days, relationships and the results you have in the areas that most matter to you, wake up and smile a happy smile for as long as you can. Try it out and see if you can carry the smile to the bathroom and brush your teeth smiling too. It works! it truly works. Say goodnight to the days that you used to feel the urge or need to wake up grumpy or annoyed – it truly is just a really bad habit. Bonus points if you share your bed, because you will be inviting the person you love to smile with you or at you every morning too. Try it tomorrow morning and every morning after this and please share if you feel the difference.
Tweet: @maltibhojwani #smile first thing in the morning, it changes your life not juts your day!
Our success is determined by our habits and empowering habits can take 21 to 90 days to instil, in fact some research says it takes over 4000 repetitions before something can become a habit. Sign up for professional life coaching sessions with me to support you through the installation phase of your new EmPowering Habits. Click Here for details.
PS: Weeks later, I am seeing the genuine ripple effect of this new habit, I wake up reminding myself to smile (it still does not come naturally), and I then smile in the mirror and boy, the blessings and gifts that have been coming into my life since, have been phenomenal. Try it out yourself and please share your experiences after a week, truly, you’d be a fool not to!
PPS: Simran also happens to be my personal dream interpreter and is extremely qualified and gifted at this art.
Life Coaching as a niche?
A niche helps us to be specific in marketing ourselves. Life Coaching as a niche is wide, as anyone who does any work that helps others to shift are now calling themselves Life Coaches, even when they don’t have any coach training, to this end, I prefer to distinguish myself as a Professional Life Coach.
We coach from our wounds more than from our wins. It is far more effective when we can truly meet with our client where they are in a breakdown or challenge and then support them in moving ahead and upward, rather than standing up on the pedestal as the all-knowing preaching down. If what you are doing is undiluted coaching, then any well trained and experienced coach can coach effectively with business, corporate, personal and relationship goals.
When we can get connected with how we felt in our bodies and emotionally, and recognize our own limiting thoughts, when we were experiencing fear, discomfort and uncertainty in our own lives, that is when we can serve our clients to overcome similar challenges. These wounds and the challenges we faced through our own personal and professional lives is what determines our market and hence our niche. We can only ask the right questions and listen from a space that is within our own experience in some way.
So though it may sound vague, Life Coaching is a niche, and what makes it specific is when we share authentically the human being we are underneath all the coach training and credentials and then when in front of our client, we leave it all behind and we are one human being in front of another, helping to create a magical space to allow the process of coaching to do its work.
Malti is the bestselling author of “Don’t Think of a Blue Ball ” which has received international accolades.
The title is a demo of the mind’s ability to instantaneously draw an image. I read the words “blue ball” and the object flashed unbidden in my mind, before the other word “Don’t” sunk in … or in spite of it. I sheepishly conjure a large eraser to clear the image. Clever! I console myself.Read More
Plugging In Click here WATCH THIS 10 minute video now and learn how to plug in!
So Malti, I have read and re-read Chapter 2 of “Don’t Think of a Blue Ball” I am trying to practice plugging in and surrendering to the free fall, but do you have any more tips on how I can do this practically?
Quote from Chapter 2:
“Having a safety net in place will allow you to give up just before the time you would have succeeded. People have often asked me how I soar higher every time they have seen me almost fall, and I think the only answer is that I have implicit faith in the Universe. I am on the journey and path that is mine. Despite the odds in the eyes of onlookers, I keep at it, working at it, learning and practicing all the time patiently, because there is no safety net and I know that falling is not an option”
I have a video that I just uploaded to share with you my own personal plugging in method.
More Videos of Plugging in
Link: Videos on Plugging In
I also have older videos on my channel in a playlist called “Plugging In”
I hope these videos answer your question but to add to it, here are some excerpts from my recent posts:
In my “bucket list” of things that I want to do before I die, “sky – diving” is at the top for me, right next to “speaking at a TED conference”. When I think about why I want to deliberately jump off a plane, what comes to mind is the desire to experience a cocktail of feelings including fear mingled with faith and excitement.
Today, as I was about to meditate, all my thoughts were rampant about my work, opportunities, challenges and all that, but in the whirlwind, I caught the feeling of surrender. I realised that I no longer pray for any specific outcome. I noticed that I was actually OK with anything. Has my faith grown or has there finally been enough validation that things are starting to go my way? Classic chicken and egg scenario, but I’m pretty sure it was the faith that came before the results.
“In the old day, I’d have been complaining, chasing , showing some annoyance, or at least begged God with tightly clenched hands to please please please let this or that happen the way I want it to, but now I truly surrendered. I have this sense of free-falling, a knowingness that I am cradled by something and that I had nothing at all to be afraid of, and in fact all I could do, now that I had “jumped-off the plane” already, was to enjoy the glide!
Trust implicitly, plug in to yourself and surrender!
I know more than anything in the world, that whatever happens is really and truly for the best, for me! It almost feels like my Universe exists for my good and that anything that even seems like a disappointment, is in fact perfect and allowing for something better to come my way, or maybe saving me from some pain that was going to come my way.
I am learning to live life like as if I am on a roller coaster, one that I went to the park to ride on by choice and waited in line to board, and ensured I put the safety bracket on – enjoying all the thrills with glee, a tinge of fear mingled with excitement and faith that it will all be OK!
Wanna get on board with me?
So as I fumbled to express myself, I came up with this analogy which I really want to share with all of you as it really really drove it home for me. Yes set your goals and be specific about them, this is like entering an exact address into your GPS system, so that you can move forward. Then think about the feelings that the attainment of these goals will give you, not just the measurable outcome. For example, if it is a promotion, then the feelings could be of “respect” and “confidence”, or in an example of a financial goal, the feelings could be “freedom” and “security”. After that, surrender, and trust that what is in store for you is so much more than our limited experience can even imagine.
Is it then a coincidence that the quote action email that I received from a friend yesterday was this one: “If you try too carefully to plan your life, the danger is that you will succeed–succeed in narrowing your options, closing off avenues of adventure that cannot now be imagined.” American Diplomat, Harlan Cleveland
So let’s just say that the feeling I want to experience or taste is “Sweetness” and I set the goal on a pursuit for peaches, because it is the sweetest fruit that I know existed. I then spend my time and energies working towards finding these peaches. I toil, and work hard, I climb high and seek low, and then I face disappointments after disappointment, but I keep going and I don’t find these peaches. Instead, because I never gave up, I end up in this farm and there I am presented with Alphonso mangoes and this is the sweetest, most exquisite fruit I have ever tasted. The sweetness is beyond imagination!
So, yes write your goals, yes pursue them, connect with the experience and feeling that you feel achieving this goal will give you and then as much as you can, feel that feeling now, where you are and surrender with full faith that whatever is in store for you will be far far sweeter than anything you could have imagined, so don’t be disappointed along the way if things don’t look as you had hoped they would, your path towards the sweet mangoes is just being laid out as you walk towards the peaches.
If you haven’t already done this, I strongly recommend it,
“Write it down on a piece of paper ‘I trust the Universe IMPLICITLY, A LL the time’. Stick this on a wall in your room where you will see it every day.”
Watch the videos, especially the last one, it took me 10 minutes to record, but I am sure it will give you a lot of support in practicing plugging in!!
Lots of love and gratitude,
An ODE to Don’t Think of a Blue Ball by Malti Bhojwani by Caroline Morgan
No matter what your latitude,
Malti wants to change your attitude.
You need to show more gratitude –
no matter what life’s shat at youd!
It’s much more than a platitude –
Be grateful for the food you’ve chewed.
Enjoy each cup of tea you’ve brewed.
Forgive your friends when they are rude.
Forget the ball that has been blued,
and If you want a better mood –
Then toss out all the lassitude
And fill your life with gratitude.