LET’S TALK ABOUT LOVE
“The Greatest Love of All” is a song written by Michael Masser and Linda Creed and originally recorded by George Benson for the 1977 Mohammad Ali movie ‘The Greatest’ then popularized by the late Whitney Houston (God Bless her soul – I loved her so much) said, “Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all”.
It is about altering the way you see and the actions you take. It is about finding your own axis and rotating around that instead of around someone else. It saddens me how successful, beautiful people can throw it all away over a man.
In my book “Don’t Think of a Blue Ball” I touched on this axis, “When you can find your own axis, you can revolve around it, for when you revolve your life on someone outside of you, you lose your own alignment. Just as the earth revolves around its own axis daily and through this eternal gentle revolving it also revolves around the sun, if you don’t find your own axis and you don’t gently revolve, you cannot be for anyone.
Then, once you have centered on your axis and someone else who has also centered on theirs is brought into your world, the two of you can come together and there is a collision of axes and you shift from your center. This is the sensation of ‘falling in love’.
If, after the initial combustion, you can realign so that you can revolve on your own axis and simultaneously rotate with the other body, then you may have found a true and balanced way of relating; thus, a healthy relationship. You maintain and grow your individuality as you serve the world as well and live your own purpose whilst simultaneously relating lovingly with another.”
“Learning to love yourself is the Greatest Love of All” I know you have heard this so many times, but do you really get it? What does self-love mean? It is learning to get to know yourself like you would a new lover. Finding out again what your favorite colors, music, and food is. What is most important to you? What you truly desire in this lifetime. What you want your eulogy to say, what your principles and values are what emotions you want to experience more of in your life as you pursue your desires.
Choose YOU, again and again. What you won’t stand for, what you won’t tolerate, what your God-given talents are and how you can improve them and share them. Loving yourself truly, madly, deeply and stretching your comfort zone to truly extract and savor all the good stuff you want from life while at the same time giving the world more and more of the best you, is the ONLY way you will attract love beyond imagination into your own life.
If you are already in a relationship, give your partner the gift of listening. Listen to them, not just with your ears, but with your whole body, feel them, look them in the eye, re-establish trust and intimacy and listen to them. Trust that you can communicate with them without FEAR – False Evidence Appearing Real.
Don’t be scared of losing them, you won’t if they love you the same way and if they don’t love you, then this isn’t it yet. Two independent self-loving individuals are strong enough to accept each other and have big enough hearts to forgive each other when they hurt each other.
The most important thing a woman can do, is to work on herself and get her physical, emotional and financial life into great shape…in other words become the quality woman who is sought out by the kind of man she wishes to be with in the first place. When her inner world is full of happiness & joy and she is independent, secure & stable…it shines through and creates magnetism around her that everyone (not just men she’s interested in) can feel.
When she loses the need (and nothing kills attraction faster than neediness) to be with someone she is more likely to find someone who wishes to be with her. Basically she becomes the kind of woman with high self-esteem and high character who DOES NOT need a man to fill any hole inside of her.
Quality men look for quality women and the best way to attract the kind of man she wants is to become the kind of woman he’d like to be with. A popular misconception about men is that they are only concerned about a woman’s appearance and are only interested in sex. While this may hold true for the general populace, the ones we regard as “Quality” men would much rather spend time with, be with and date an average looking woman with a great character and a more fulfilling personality than a hot, dysfunctional drama queen!
I attracted the love of my life when I truly finally fell in love madly with myself. I discovered my true calling, gems and purpose and pursued them with blinkers on. I stopped making decisions about men or possibilities of meeting a nice guy. I put my career and purpose above all that. I know you have heard this before and that you are wishing I have some fresh news for you, I really get it. I have been there, the incessant checking of my phone to see if a guy I had hopes of would text me or want to see me again. I’d chase them covertly, looking for excuses to contact them and trying to act all nonchalant about it; I’d change my profile pictures or go to events just to attract attention. And I did this nonsense with guys that I wasn’t even sure I really liked, just to get their attention and see that they liked me!
It saddens me the number of women out there who spent their life just looking for a man, waiting to be loved, waiting for somebody to come into their life and sweep them off their feet. And then they do everything in their power to make it happen. They put lots of efforts into everything to attract that man to take away the loneliness. And when they meet some nice guys, because they are so desperate for this one to be the one, you know, maybe they are not desperate, but they are tired. I don’t know if you have been there, when you are just exhausted, you are like you know can’t this just be, can’t he be the one and then this can be over so that we can live happily there after.
And so, because of that tiredness and desperation, you put all the previous drama into this one guy, this one sweet person who you just met just to get him to do what you want him to do. You become so transparently needy and yet when friends point it out to you, you deny it because you think you have covered it up well under the layers of makeup!
You want him to call you, you want to act in such a way you want to know that he cares, you want to know that he is as attracted to you as you are to him. But you know in most cases you are not even sure if you like him, you just wanted him to like you.
And where I am getting at is that you cannot build your life around looking for a man or around being attractive or finding that man. The only way to attract a good solid relationship that is not co-independent that is not needy is when you are actually falling in love with yourself again and you actually living a life that is committed to your goals, your dreams and your desires. And along the way, along the way, yes you may attract love into your life – if you are lucky. Yes it’s a lucky few who attract that kind of love.
I implore you to live a life that is about you and not about a man. Even when you find a man you love him, yes love him, love him with all your heart but don’t stop living your life. Don’t let your life revolve around whether he called or he did not. Whether he cares about you, whether he is attracted to you or not, no you love him.
You give him what you want to give him but simultaneously you pursue your life, your life is more than about a man. Your life is about you, your likes and dislike, the things that you enjoy, people who are dependent on you, who love you, who need your time and want your time. Your work, your colleagues, your taste, what do you enjoy,. Live for you, there will be no room for loneliness. Focus on you. Be an empowered woman and then watch how men will then fall at your feet.
Above is an excerpt from my latest E-Book – YoUniverse – Start Living The Life of Your Dreams – only available online from my facebook page.